A lot of people i know, will take one look at that title, and judge this blog post as "OMG, Craig has another problem" or something along those lines after the past few months, and basically assume that I'm either going to :-

A - Un-ceremoniously blast something or someone off the face of the planet (well, on the internet anyway)

B - Have a personal problem that I'm going to whine about not knowing anything about.

C - Look forward to something thats either not going to happen for a long time, or I'm never going to do.

Well, this post is something different, because i am now something different - I now see things in a slightly different light to what i used to, i AM something in a different light, and a lot of people have looked at me and saw nothing, or saw something they didn't like, or saw something they loved with a passion.

I am not the same guy i was a year ago, my resolve, is strengthened, a lot - I'm not taking another power trip, or saying I'm "Un-fallable" but the past few weeks - something has become apparent to me, and It's been staring at me dead in the face for five years now - but i simply didn't like what i was doing, or where i was going, or the situation's around me where things that i didn't, or couldn't know how to handle, i distracted myself, or i let others distract me, i let myself be the fool - on so many occasions i can't even number, I've had people take advantage of me, had things precious from me stolen cruelly away by people whom i no longer hold the same savage hatred i used to hold for - but will never gain my forgiveness, i have been condemned as well, by old an friend who made the mistake of thinking i was referring to him in this very blog, but wasn't - and he is now gone, one to a distant country, and he won't return until i am long gone, the other, was another person entirely, a person i though i could trust, but learned within a few weeks of meeting, i couldn't trust, thankfully I'll never have to deal with him again.

But, at the same time, i have found new friends, had my friendships with old ones tested, perhaps strengthened, or maybe even weakened, I'm not sure, and now - I have taken a step i thought i would do for a long time, but at the same time - i thought i would never do, It's one of those things that would always be "distant" as you worked towards it, and then it's suddenly, there - on your doorstep, and there is only one choice i have now, considering I've allready gotten my place - I'll either sink or swim.

In a few short month's i will be leaving daventry, my few members of family here i don't hold in the highest regards, or any regards at all in some case's, considering my own mother used me as a tool to talk to my father a few days, despite the fact she said she would NOT, I'm not best pleased, I'll be leaving behind friends, new and old, and I'll be leaving behind all of my history too, the good, the bad, the mistakes, the minute i arrive at where I'm going, i will just be "Craig Mansfield" the new guy.

And right there and then, i have a fresh plate, a new starting grounds, i can be whoever the hell i want to be,  i will no longer have to see ghost's of my past around the next corner, have to grit my teeth at the bunch of local life-wasters who choose to torment me, this whole hell-hole of a town will be behind me, dead to me.

For the sake of this fresh start - where I'm going exactly, won't be on this blog - nor the details of who, or where I'm living, thats a gift for those people i choose to tell, but for this blog.

I have found my dream opportunity, and been accepted - and I will be gone for many years to do so, I will be traveling quite extensively, and be doing things i never even thought I'd get to do, the dream's I've held so close to my heart, the hobby which became an obsession, which then became something i had to for fill, is growing closer and closer - and now I'm going to be learning the full skill's i need to achieve it, and after that, i may continue, or i may not - and expand myself into other areas, or move along into the industry that always seemed to be a dream to me.

The paperwork is shifting, the gears are greased and in motion, and my operation on my abnormal bone growth is only a few weeks away now, I'm starting to prepare as I'm in the process of this very blog post.

A part of me wants to feel like the me i used to be when i first started this blog, but back then, i didn't have the knowledge i have now, i was stupid, i didn't see far enough back then, i made mistakes, bad ones in some case's, and almost life-destroying in others (and I'm not using that term in the overly used and profoundly Emo manner it is usually used), but now - I'm feeling like someone else.

I am Craig Mansfield, i am 20, i am moving up and away.






And I'm happy for it.

There are no comments to this entry.